How deep is that river?

I am still reeling from the weekend. 

What a perfect, perfect wedding! Even the parts that weren't smooth were bumpy and awkward and hilarious in the way that only that kind of love and celebration can create.

There's nothing like standing on a perfect North Carolina beach and watching one of your oldest and closest and most tangled-up friends get married. Nothing, except running off and drinking the night away with the rest of your closest friends, postulating about the heteronormative paradigm, speaking French in short bursts, flirting with long-haired bridesmaids, successfully slow-dancing with your boyperson, and generally bursting with goodness. 

If we can all be blessed with a send-off like that one, with the intensity of affection that pervaded the entire weekend, we're going to grow up just fine.

it's only once a year, so.

Happy birthday happy!

This morning: started work (orientation was slightly boring and slightly hilarious, which bodes pretty well for actual training)
This afternoon: almost had to tutor at the last minute, but was saved by email (yay!)
clearing the way for this evening: birthday kata and birthday dinner.

also: sweet birthday cards from B's grandmothers (both of whom share my name) and a pretty wristwatch with a solar-charging battery from my mom. love.

Today we have news!

And the news is ... I'm officially employed! I start at the full-time gig on Monday (after being vetted, assessed, panel interviewed, drug tested, background checked, and educationally verified), and I finish my training at the learning center today, so either Friday or next week I start tutoring solo. 

And I called four barns to arrange walkthroughs. 

Feeling pretty good about myself right now. Sure, there's definitely a lot of obstacles and tasks ahead of me (including: finding a small animal vet, getting additional vaccines for Pepsi, finding a way to trailer, creating an entirely new budget plan, making a new exercise routine, and making friends), but this is an excellent step in the right direction. 

And not to brag ... but did I mention I'll be making about 75% more with these two jobs than I was at my previous two?

Yep, that's going to make that whole "horse" thing a LOT more sustainable.

A totally unexpected post about math.

Yesterday was my first day at "work" (really just paperwork and review of materials) at Huntington Learning Center in Glen Allen. Training basically consisted of my supervisor handing me four humongous binders with lesson plans and teachers' notes for each section of the SAT (reading, writing, math) plus a vocab section, and instructing me to read them. So I spent four and a half hours doing that.

Then I returned later in the day to witness some tutoring in action. My supervisor had already told me I would be working with one of the most experienced tutors, which was definitely the case -- he was softspoken but effective and obviously knew the subject material backward and forward. While he worked one on one with a student, I followed along in my teacher's manual, watching him effortlessly transition between sections and alternate between explanations and having the student work through problems on her own. It was really impressive how well he communicated with the student.

After their two-hour sessions was over, he asked me if I had any questions or concerns. All the reading and writing material is straightforward and easy to understand, and the Huntington strategies are simple to remember, especially with the teacher's edition in front of you. But it's been a long time since I've done SAT-level math (that's Algebra I and II and Geometry, more or less) so I asked if we could review some of that.

Now let me say, I am not good at textbook math. I've never found it particularly interesting, and the way math was taught to me in high school was as a series of increasingly abstract concepts, making it difficult for visual-learner me to grasp the connection between strings of numbers. I've always been kind of ashamed of this, because I'm an intelligent person (I have a BA from a great public school! I speak two languages! I read books about epidemiology for fun!) and I should be able to read a textbook and intuitively grasp the principle behind the problems. Generally it is not so.

The tutor I was shadowing had a different approach. I've done plenty of basic math in handling the books for the Wine Guild this past year, so I asked if we could skip to functions and (gulp) quadratics. I basically remembered functions, which we renamed "function machines" because you put one set of numbers in and get another set out, which I liked. Then we started graphing stuff, which made my head spin a little bit, so I'm going to look my notes on at that more today. But I remember it making sense at the time!

Oh, and then we talked about circles. I discovered I still know all the formulas for finding area, circumference, etc, but I never had any idea why those rules worked. We talked about a simple one, finding the circumference (2pi*r or pi*d). He explained, with a diagram, that if you imagine the diameter like a string, and you take the string and start wrapping it around the circle, it always goes around 3.1415.... times! No matter what size of circle you have.

I almost fell out of my chair. And then he said, "you're going to learn so much math here."

Voila, the different between memorizing the formula and understanding the concept.

I can't wait to figure the rest of the math out so I can start showing other people how to do it! They sent me home with a workbook ahead of my second shadowing session tonight. So this morning I'm voluntarily doing math homework. Craziness.

Up next: a possible weekend in Charlottesville, the ongoing quest for a new barn, and my birthday.

Coffee for breakfast

Bourdon, my laptop, has finally returned to service after a few dicey weeks in the back of the Apple store. Welcome home, bumblebee!

To celebrate, we're trying out Chrome, the free browser that definitely proves that Google has staged a total takeover of our online lives. I'm distinctly creeped out by having my Gmail, Dashboard, and Youtube accounts all attached to each other ... but the search/navigation bar and the minimalist settings are dangerously seductive.

I still have Safari and Firefox, just in case. You know.

Otherwise, no news. It's September and I'm still trying to adjust to RVA. I'm hoping by October, most of that will be behind me. I'm falling into another two-job scenario (more on that as things move forward, I don't want to jump the gun here), but with potentially significant increases in pay rate and benefits, which pleases me. I'm tired of looking for jobs and I need a source of income, stat.

As far as I'm concerned, the big effort of September will be getting Pepsi relocated to a barn closer to me. I've got a list sitting in my email of barns to check out as soon as I get my financial situation settled down / equine budget established. Having him an hour and a half away is terrible -- we're both cranky, erratic, and stiff when I see him on Sundays, and I'm constantly worried that something will happen to him (although I know the barn owners are taking great care of him as always). I've got too much time on my hands at the moment. 

Final unrelated thought: I let calls go to voicemail when I don't recognize the number, because I want to listen to the message and have time to think about my response.

sit back down where you belong, in the corner of the bar with your high heels on

Oh, Gaga. I've always had a soft spot for your crazy theatrical costumes and your catchy songs, but your VMA performance? In drag as a lean, scrappy butch, sitting on a piano and rendering row upon row of gender-inflexible celebrities dumbstruck? Even better was the catchy, classic-rock throwback vibe of the song itself. It has a very karaoke / get up and dance at the bar feel to it (in the best way).

My little dyke heart melted like butter in the sun.

If you haven't seen it yet, what are you waiting for? Full monologue + song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi2KSTHbXo8

wear it out

Why am I so senselessly in love with this song? Something about it is perfect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0CGsw6h60k&ob=av2e

i hear you're good with them soft lips
you know word of mouth

just a test: apparently i can still do this.

Il faut boire.

J'éspère qu'il n'avait rien à dire, particulariment à me dire, autour de ce sujet.

On peut dire que je bois trop. Mais c'est quoi, ce "trop", si seulement je ne peux pas me lever, ne veux pas me régarder le lendemain en face du miroir? Peut-être c'était l'idée originale, de me déposer à cet état de vivre sous les drapeaux, enfermé aux nuages en coton.

Je suis ... quelquechose. Intelligente, oui (dans un sens accotumé et normal), mais aussi crainte, impolie, difficile, amer. Le dernier, c'est possiblement là où je me trouve ce soir.

C'est le sentiment amer qui me chasse, là-dedans -- enfin identifié. Je diraient rien, sauf qu'il existe plusieurs forces autour de mon centre à ce moment. Il y a aussi des influences internes, plutôt qui me soulage et me conseille à la discretion, la silence, et les pensées independentes. A mon avis c'est la définition d'être "adulte" -- se silencer.

Il existe des femmes, et aussi des hommes, qui peuvent me toucher, me casser, m'écraser avec un seul régarde.

Je suis vulnerable, et bien contente.

Donc, il faut boire.

I still prefer the Ataris cover, but.

Today is my 12th day in Richmond.

I'm supposed to be 1) applying for jobs and 2) organizing our apartmenthouse. That's what I've decided to call our place. It's the top floor of a big townhouse dating back to the 1880s (we think) -- larger than other city apartments, but not an independent house. apartmenthouse.

I lost the apartmenthouse motivation about ten days ago ... it turns out that trying to pack a three bedroom house into a twoish-bedroom pad with a galley "kitchen" (I use that word in a rather broad sense here...) is somehow frustrating and tedious at the same time. I like the way things look when they're precisely organized, but I lack the motivation to perform the constant, repetitive cleaning / rearranging required therein. It's pretty clear that "our unmade bed" and "tower of dishes in the sink" habits aren't going to reform just because we live somwhere smaller.

Things are slightly more active on the job-finding front, mostly due to my impending lack of funds ... I had a brief courtship with an insurance company that wanted me for my sales mojo, which was flattering but ultimately futile since I don't want to do sales and I think working for commission is extortionist. Barring that, I've had a couple of interviews at VCU but their HR department is either super slow or not interested in showing me any love at the moment (sad), and a few heartbreakingly unrequited applications to the Library of Virginia and VMFA (like I'd get that lucky). The rest of my prospects are being pulled from the internet (hello, Craigslist "administrative assistant" ads, though I'm trying to be savvy/choosy and pick things I'd actually enjoy doing / places I'd like to work) and some limited in-person hustling (wine stores, no luck there yet). Finally, I'm registering with a staffing agency Thursday morning -- I had a personal referral there through a Wine Guild contact, which was cool, and the agency specializes in temp-to-hire admin positions at (drumroll please) medical establishments and nonprofit agencies! Basically my first choice of adminning would be at one of those two.

Oh, and I've started to branch out in my choice of "doing it part time / just for the money" jobs. Today I applied to tutor SAT students part time (can you say "teaching experience"?), work at a bakery (cake!) and two more office jobs in fun-sounding places. If I have to work something non-serious, why can't it be fun too?

This just in: plans are being formulated to venture out in the big city on a quest for ice cream. I will continue to fill you in later!

For now, go listen to Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer" and think about fall, like I'm doing.

Are you getting somewhere, or did you get lost in Amsterdam?

Blogosphere!

It's been a long time. Here's what I've done since January:
-Passed my black belt exam in karate (which was maybe the most fun I've ever had in an exam, a good time, the best of all times)
-Celebrated the one-year anniversary of my college graduation
-Watched my favorite coworkers divide themselves into factions, and subsequently learned that teamwork and collaboration are what I'm looking for in a career-path
-Quit both my jobs
-Moved to a new city, sans emploi
-Started using my connections here to hustle for a new job

Somewhere in there I also wore a lot of skirts and dresses, wrote all my Myo Sim notes out longhand, found an apartment that my parents hate, made a few really good friends, and decided to ride my bicycle everywhere.

And now there are plumbers in my kitchen! I wish that were a euphamism, but it's not, so I'm off to deal with that.

Bisous,

A.

2011 - put your ear up against it

Hi there -

Just a few words about 2011. I'm not one for new year's resolutions, mostly because I think all year should be a time for trying to change and improve oneself, not just a few hurried, transient "holiday months" over the bitter wintertime. I am not overly fond of the holidays, perhaps because I work in two industries (wine and hospitality) that almost require banter and forced enthusiam about Thanksgiving / Christmas / New Year's Eve.

So, I don't have any resolutions to sum up from last year. Upcoming events in 2011 include the following:

Black Belt Test in 54 days (Feb 26, 2011)
1 year anniversary of graduation from UVA (May 23, 2011)
J.'s wedding (May 31, 2010)
S.'s wedding (Oct 15, 2011)

The first event, which is definitely the most present on my mind these days, has culminated in the forcible creation of a six-days-a-week workout schedule (an hour of cardio and stretch in the morning, an hour of karate every day, included with 3-hour karate classes four times / week). Anyone following a schedule that death-inducing really, really, *really* needs some workout tunes.

I have eclectic and bouncy taste in music, often straying towards acoustic, ambient dreampop, girls with guitars genres. That does not make the best exercise music, unless you're doing yoga. I'm running. I'm kind of loving it.

I've been working on my mix all day, and here is the annotated final version:

1. Break Your Heart / Taio Cruz and Ludacris
A little bit of top-40 hip hop is an absolute necessity for a workout playlist. The beat mixes well with the synthesizer, and I have to start my workouts out with a strong push of energy, or else I'll wilt early. And come on, I can identify with the problematic badassery of being the heartbreaker. Nothing like a tiny bit of self-loathing to power your run.
2. Rebel Girl / Bikini Kill
A genre switch early in the workout to angry feminist alt rock helps my mind stay plugged in. It also makes me feel a little less like a patriarchy-enabling stereotype of a white girl, jogging on a treadmill in part so my body can conform to what society calls "attractive". Also taps into my queerfem identity, giving me food for thought and energy for running,
3. Ready For The Floor / Hot Chip
This song is a reward for getting into the swing of the workout -- I used to listen to this all the time in Lyon and it reminded me of home, of love, of affection and attention to detail and of sweet summertime passions. "I am ready, I am ready for a fall" takes on a new meaning inside of the dojo, while "we are ready, we are ready for the floor" remains personal. Or does it? Happiness.
4. Giving Up The Gun / Vampire Weekend
One of the songs on the playlist I hadn't heard before a friend recommended it to me. It's a faster-paced version of many VW songs, with a build to a good chorus that pulls me into going faster and faster to keep up. The little high notes make my hair stand on end. "my ears are blown to bits from all the rifle hits, but still I crave that sound." A metaphor for getting what you want most? Weaponry? I like it.
5. Teenage Dream / Katy Perry
I can't help my giggling, teenage-girl amusement with KP. I loved this song when I first heard it, and loved it double when I saw the Glee take on it (this is the original on my playlist, though). For me it channels and challenges exactly what the title says -- my brief, halcyon, distorted and disordered and scarringly perfect teenage experience. A lot of which had to do with running.
6. The Boxer / Carbon Leaf
"She is the boxer, she knows when and where to strike". Enough said. And I'll take any excuse to listen to Carbon Leaf, one of my favorite bands from the happiest days of early college.
7. Take Your Mama / Scissor Sisters
I heard a DJ say once that this was a great workout song, and since I happen to like Scissor Sisters, I thought why not? It's funny and lighter than most of the other songs on the mix. Kinda lends itself to an easy, loping pace. And who doesn't want to get jacked up on champagne?
8. Soul Meets Body / Death Cab for Cutie
This might not seem like an obvious choice for a workout mix, but I like the guitars and little bells. I have to return to my soft, indie rock sensibilities to keep from being overwhelmed with noise. And this song means so much to me. "I do believe it's true, that there are roads left in both of our shoes, and if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too." Turn it up!
9. We R Who We R / Ke$ha
A newer song also from the top-40 contingency; I like Kesha even more than KP. Because she's completely hilarious and a lot less serious. I like the strong synthesizer and the way the beat bottoms out during the chorus. "our bodies going numb, we'll be forever young, we are who we are." Simple, straightforward. Makes me think of Bot Sai Sho (a kata for black belt 1st degree), for some reason.
10. Temperature / Sean Paul
This one is actually in honor of Master Morton, instigator of the Workout Death Machine, as I'm calling this little adventure. I'll never forget the Sunday morning several years ago that he came in with his iPod and had the whole karate class doing a mai (movement) exercise to this song.
11.Kick Drum Heart / The Avett Brothers
Also a new song for me! I've known the Avett Brothers for other songs previously, but as soon as I watched the live video and saw the way the drummer was actually using the drum to imitate the heartbeat, I knew this was perfect. We have many discussions with Master Campbell about the importance of the heartbeat in karate timing.
12. Dejalo / Rilo Kiley
The exact translation of the title depends on context, but I got it roughly as "stop it, leave our thing" which I think is pretty interesting and also borderline applicable. Just one of my favorite songs. This is where the playlist inevitably slides into indie / cooldown mode.
13. I'm Always In Love / Wilco
"when I let go of your throat's sweet throttle, when I catch the moon like a bird in a cage" high strings, synthesizer, and some chanting in the background. Not much more to say about that one.
14. Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, and Wives / Voxtrot
A last hurrah for the feminist contingency of my playlist. A completely random song that was given to me on a mixtape last year, Voxtrot actually picks up the beat a little bit and lends a bit of energy to the tail end of the playlist (and these annotations). "the take and the giving leaves no room for the living, death in one corner leaves a space in the other you know."
15. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight / The Postal Service
This band and often this song are often selected to end playlists, to bring them down on a soft and thrilling and gorgeous low that never fails to creep inside of me. This song is about creeping cold and despair, attention to detail and a sudden, sweeping realization of the big picture. About unforseen loss.
16. Crossfire / Brandon Flowers
I absolutely can't end a black belt training playlist on a low note, so at the very bottom of the heap I pull out the ace: Crossfire. I first heard this song, which is the theme for a trailer to the movie of the same name. Katanas are involved. Everything, everything, everything about this song fills me with hope, from the opening piano notes to Brandon Flowers' clear vocals to the crashing rise of instrumentalism in the chorus. "And we're caught in the crossfire of heaven and hell, and we're searching for shelter. Tell the devil that he can go back from where he came, his fiery arrows drew their bead in vain. And when the hardest part is over we'll be here, and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears."

It really does mean that much to me.

So there you have it! 16 songs, 59.8 minutes. Perfect.